A couple days ago, Dadou and I were sitting at our kitchen table rolling beads. I was telling him about my upcoming trip to the States. He asked me why I was going to the States and as usual I was flat out honest with him. I said we are really low on funds at the moment and God said, "Go now Jenn." I told him that I asked God are you sure I need to go now because it will be really hard on Amy and I both at this certain time. Then again God replied, Go now Jenn." I continued to roll beads, and I noticed that Dadou hadn't said anything. I looked up and his mouth was wide open. First words that came out of his mouth was.... "you talk to God?" It was priceless. This man prays for everything. He's always saying God does this and God does that. So I never thought he would be so confused. I literally blew his mind.
I started to think a little about this a little more. I was thinking oh man he doesn't know that God talks back? Then it hit me. It was like a slap in the face. I don't always hear God either. Here I am acting like this is an everyday thing. I get busy and I "forget to read the bible." When this happens God and I don't communicate. I don't hear him, and the reason I don't hear him is because I didn't desire to start the conversation with him in the first place.
This always gets me. We spend a couple months out of the word. We decide to open the bible one morning and we are hooked. We are hooked on his love once more. And the greatest thing is He pulls us in with open arms. It's beautiful. It's His unfailing love. We have better days. We seek him more. We hear him. We tell God over and over I'm sorry for leaving, and I missed you.
Another thing hit me as I continued to talk with Dadou. I was trying to describe my conversations with God. The first thing I said to him was "you need to talk to God like he's your best friend." I told him how I have two best friends, and I desire to talk to them all the time. I want to tell them when good things happen in my life. I want to tell them when something is wrong. I cry with them. I told Dadou that if the only thing I ever told my best friend is that I need this or I want that then we wouldn't truely be friends. Dadou got it. He understood. We have a connection like that.
Later when I was thinking about this a little more I realized this conversation was as much for me as it was for Dadou. It's interesting that I used a best friend as my example. When people describe our Father's love they can often relate it to their relationship with their own fathers. Well to be honest my father was never around, and if he was around then he wasn't all the way there, if you know what I mean. I don't know what it's like to have that kind of father's love. Neither does Dadou. Dadou's father passed away when he was really young. So maybe it takes us longer than others to get it. But that's okay.
I can however look back on the last couple years, and recognize that I have been blessed to get to know a couple of men that have come to fill that role. Boy have I been blessed. I have been blessed to live with some of the most spiritual Dads I know. I think the world of these men. Our God is good like that. It's amazing to see the people God puts in our lives. God has given me insight to a father's love. I think I'm realizing that God has been wanting me to see this for some time. He's been wanting to share this with me. Especially lately.
Well God... I haven't been forgetting to read your book lately and I just wanted you to know I hear you loud and clear.
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